How to be a good mentee and mentor

2021-04-06 10:42:03

Motivation

ijmaki/Pixabay

What is your big picture? How do your current mentors fit? What kind of mentors are you missing?

Determine in which areas you want mentorship.
Determine the goals you have for the mentoring relationship.
Determine what kind of mentorship you want (formal/informal, often/occasional, etc.).

Do you have any examples you are willing to share?

What types of mentors/mentorships do you currently have?

Figure out individuals that can make for good mentors.
Determine if you want/need specific mentor characteristics (experience/age/gender/occupation/etc).
For each mentor/mentorship relation, decide on the setup you want.
Ask individuals to be your mentors (or don’t).

If you have current mentors, how did you aquire them?

Your mentors are likely busy and while they hopefully are committed to you, you are not constantly on their minds.
You need to check in with mentors as agreed upon.
You need to ask for specifics you want.
You should set the direction of the conversation, the topics covered and not covered, etc.
In some way, consider yourself the leader of the mentorship.

Do you have any examples you are willing to share that illustrate (not) being the driver of a mentorship?

Have an agenda (explicit or implicit) for your meetings.
Set the stage, give context: Don’t assume your mentor has thought much about you or your questions before you meet.
Refrain from vague what should I do? questions. Provide your detailed thoughts, ask for specific input.
Guide your mentor toward the input you want/need.

What are examples of good/bad preparation?

Meet as agreed.
Be fully attentive during your meetings, try to soak up everything. You don’t have to agree, but you should let it sink in.
Do whatever homework you agreed on doing.

Any examples you are willing to share of doing the work as part of a mentorship?

Carefully consider the mentor’s thoughts, even (or especially) if they surprise you.
Getting a second opinion is a good idea.
Your mentor is hopefully experienced, but they can be wrong.
Some things work for some people, not others. Consider if the advice can work for you.

Any examples you are willing to share of good/bad advice you received from a mentor?

Respect the constraints (e.g. topics, time) that you agreed on.
Keep conversations confidential.
Ensure the mentorship does not lead to (perceived) unfair treatment of you by your mentor.
Avoid drifting toward a setup that is different from the one initially decided on (e.g. becoming friends). If you notice this happening, discuss it explicitly and decide what to do.

Both you and your mentor are humans, with shortcomings. Be aware of them. Ensure they do not get in the way.
If your mentor tries to turn you into a Mini-Me version of them, call them out and if necessary, end mentorship.
If you cannot take the mentor’s advice because of some deeper issues (they are too much like one of your parents who you resent, etc.), be aware and address.
Be especially aware around power/romantic/sexual tensions, address quickly.

Any examples you are willing to share where being aware was crucial in a mentorship?