2021-04-06 10:42:03

Motivation

  • Having mentors can be important for your career/life advancement.
  • Having mentees can be very fulfilling and worthwhile.
[Mohamed Hassan](https://pixabay.com/users/mohamed_hassan-5229782/)/Pixabay

Mohamed Hassan/Pixabay

Being a good Mentee

Start with the big picture

  • Why do I want mentoring?
  • How will a certain mentoring relationship fit my overall (career/life) plans?
[ijmaki](https://pixabay.com/users/ijmaki-1797813/)/Pixabay

ijmaki/Pixabay

What is your big picture? How do your current mentors fit? What kind of mentors are you missing?

Figure out your needs

  • Determine in which areas you want mentorship.
  • Determine the goals you have for the mentoring relationship.
  • Determine what kind of mentorship you want (formal/informal, often/occasional, etc.).

Do you have any examples you are willing to share?

Decide on the level of formality

  • You can have mentorships which are explicit and formal.
  • You can have mentorsips which are explicit but informal.
  • You can have mentorships which are implicit and informal.

What types of mentors/mentorships do you currently have?

Assemble your team

  • Figure out individuals that can make for good mentors.
  • Determine if you want/need specific mentor characteristics (experience/age/gender/occupation/etc).
  • For each mentor/mentorship relation, decide on the setup you want.
  • Ask individuals to be your mentors (or don’t).

If you have current mentors, how did you aquire them?

Be proactive

  • Your mentors are likely busy and while they hopefully are committed to you, you are not constantly on their minds.
  • You need to check in with mentors as agreed upon.
  • You need to ask for specifics you want.
  • You should set the direction of the conversation, the topics covered and not covered, etc.
  • In some way, consider yourself the leader of the mentorship.

Do you have any examples you are willing to share that illustrate (not) being the driver of a mentorship?

Be prepared

  • Have an agenda (explicit or implicit) for your meetings.
  • Set the stage, give context: Don’t assume your mentor has thought much about you or your questions before you meet.
  • Refrain from vague what should I do? questions. Provide your detailed thoughts, ask for specific input.
  • Guide your mentor toward the input you want/need.

What are examples of good/bad preparation?

Put in the work

  • Meet as agreed.
  • Be fully attentive during your meetings, try to soak up everything. You don’t have to agree, but you should let it sink in.
  • Do whatever homework you agreed on doing.

Any examples you are willing to share of doing the work as part of a mentorship?

Be reflective

  • Carefully consider the mentor’s thoughts, even (or especially) if they surprise you.
  • Getting a second opinion is a good idea.
  • Your mentor is hopefully experienced, but they can be wrong.
  • Some things work for some people, not others. Consider if the advice can work for you.

Any examples you are willing to share of good/bad advice you received from a mentor?

Be professional

  • Respect the constraints (e.g. topics, time) that you agreed on.
  • Keep conversations confidential.
  • Ensure the mentorship does not lead to (perceived) unfair treatment of you by your mentor.
  • Avoid drifting toward a setup that is different from the one initially decided on (e.g. becoming friends). If you notice this happening, discuss it explicitly and decide what to do.

Be aware

  • Both you and your mentor are humans, with shortcomings. Be aware of them. Ensure they do not get in the way.
  • If your mentor tries to turn you into a Mini-Me version of them, call them out and if necessary, end mentorship.
  • If you cannot take the mentor’s advice because of some deeper issues (they are too much like one of your parents who you resent, etc.), be aware and address.
  • Be especially aware around power/romantic/sexual tensions, address quickly.

Any examples you are willing to share where being aware was crucial in a mentorship?

Being a good Mentor

Start with the big picture

  • Why do I want to mentor?
  • How will a certain mentoring relationship fit my overall (career/life) plans?
[ijmaki](https://pixabay.com/users/ijmaki-1797813/)/Pixabay

ijmaki/Pixabay

What is your big picture? How do your mentees fit? What kind of mentorships do you (not) want to have?

Know your limits

  • Be aware of your time/energy limitations.
  • Only take on mentees if you can fully commit.
  • Don’t try to provide mentorship in areas where you think you don’t have the right expertise.
  • But: You might have more to offer than you think!
  • If you think you can’t help, connect your mentees with people who might.

Are there any areas where you could serve as mentor that you might not have thought about before?

Set expectations

  • Ask the mentee what they are looking for.
  • Be upfront about what you can and cannot provide.
  • Set clear expectations regarding time commitment, areas the mentorship will cover, etc.
  • Consider creating a (public) group member/mentee handbook. (Example.)

Do you have any mentor experience and how did you handle expecations?

Be available and reliable

  • Once you committed to being a mentor to someone, be available within the agreed upon framework.
  • Keep appointments as much as possible, consider this a high priority activity.
  • During meetings, be fully present (put your phone away).
  • Outside meetings, respond to mentee requests in a reliable manner (within the agreed framework).

Stay in the background

  • It’s not about you.
  • Listen much more than talk.
  • Be interested in fully understanding your mentee and their questions.
  • Mainly provide input as requested.
  • Occasional leading/suggesting is ok.
[Gerd Altmann](https://pixabay.com/users/geralt-9301/)/Pixabay

Gerd Altmann/Pixabay

Be honest but encouraging

  • Criticism is ok, but it needs to be part of overall encouragement and support.
  • You are not a teacher/grader, you are a mentor (coach/cheerleader/helper).
  • Encourage your mentee to take initiative, both as part of the mentorship and outside.
  • If you find your mentee is not living up, address that in a direct and supportive manner instead of constant nagging/criticism during meetings.

Be trustworthy

  • Mentoring relationships should have a certain level of confidentiality.
  • If in doubt, keep it to yourself.
  • Be clear about topics you don’t want (or cannot) keep confidential.
  • Do what you preach. You can’t be a good mentor unless you lead by example.

Be explicit

  • Don’t assume anything. Spell out details, provide context. Explain unspoken rules of the profession.
  • If there is anything in the mentoring relationship that seems not addressed, talk about it.

Do you have any examples you are willing to share where being explicit was handled (not) well?

Be aware

  • It goes without saying that you need to hold yourself to the highest ethical standards.
  • Don’t try to live your dreams through your mentees. It’s not about you.
  • Be aware if/when your mentee starts outgrowing you, change mentorship as needed.
  • Be especially aware around power/romantic/sexual tensions, address quickly.

Get training and help

  • As you move into leadership positions, seek any training you feel you need.
  • If you have mentors yourself, discuss with them any challenges.
  • Even if you don’t have formal mentors, do reach out for help to others if you think you can use it.

Further Resources